Family Equality In Practice

It was International Family Equality Day on 3rd May, a day which celebrates the fact families come in many forms. One of our committee members shares her personal experiences on how considerate actions can help all families feel more seen.

"Most mornings in our house look like a pretty typical family with littles. They include ‘I’m still tired’ from our three year old who loves her sleep vs. our one year old who will have been on the go since 6am (if we’re lucky). Then it’s a mission to get them dressed, teeth brushed and of course the morning snack to keep them going until they get breakfast at nursery – where do they put it all?!

Me and my wife have two kids, each of us fortunate enough to get to experience the joy of pregnancy and maternity leave – even if one of those involved 52 days in NICU. 

Like many families, we’re mostly just getting through the day doing our best and trying to be present for two small people who need us in different ways.

In our home, that feels straightforward. Outside of it, sometimes less so.

International Family Equality Day isn’t about celebrating difference for me. It’s about recognition, being seen without explanation. The ability to exist without assumptions filling in the gaps before you’ve said a word.

We’ve learned that questions often come wrapped in good intentions. At medical appointments I’ve been asked more than once, “do you or dad have a history of…?” Sometimes that’s followed by genuine interest once corrected. Sometimes it’s just habit speaking faster than thought.

Once, I was asked if our daughter was adopted — and whether I kept in touch with her birth mum. “Yes,” I said. “She’s my wife.”

During pregnancy people didn’t quite know how to place us. We were often asked if we were sisters. It seemed easier for some to reach for a familiar category than to pause and ask. My favourite being at Amanda’s first post-partum check in, when I answered the door the midwife said “oh this is amazing that you’re here to help”. I was confused until she said “it’s so nice when friends offer support in the early days”.

One doctor did pause. They simply asked what the children refer to us as. No assumptions, just space. We answered: Mum, and Mama. It felt like such a small moment, but I still think about it. It allowed us to tell our own story, rather than be fitted into someone else’s.

Equality isn’t abstract, it shows up in small everyday places such as in forms, language, tone. In whether your family is treated as a given, or as something that needs unpacking.

Our children thankfully haven’t complicated things yet. When our three‑year‑old was asked where her dad was, she answered without hesitation: “I don’t have a dad. I have a Mum and a Mama.” Then she moved straight on to the next important topic.

I’d love to believe they won’t face questions that feel heavier as they grow. But if they do I hope they know our home is a place where they can bring all of it, confusion, frustration, pride, curiosity, and trust they’ll be met with openness.

If this resonates because your family looks like mine or your family looks different I hope it helps you feel seen. Families are built in many ways some through biology, some through choice, some through circumstances we didn’t plan for. But the key thing is love and the commitment to keep showing up.

International Family Equality Day gives us a chance to recognise that. Remove assumptions and give people space to tell their story (if they want to)."